Confessions of a teenage BRONY

            Now some of you fine looking readers out there may be a bit confused by the vocabulary in the title. To clear things up: a Brony (pronounced Bro-nee) is a viewer of the My Little Pony cartoon who is (generally) above the age of the targeted audience and is not afraid to admit it. Before, this term had only referred to the male viewers of the show (the term Pegasis, a combination of the words Pegasus and Sister, was used to describe the female demographic) but the term has since come to encompass the masses of My Little Pony viewers, regardless of gender. The term is a lot like treker or trekie or whatever is used to refer to people who watch Star Trek.

Now for those of you who have just realized a male is writing this, you may be feeling some confusion (and in some cases vomiting, dizziness and explosive diarrhea). Yes, it’s true, I watch My Little Pony and yes I like every episode. So what’s the big deal? That’s what I thought when I first told people about my obsessi- I mean interests. Seriously, what’s wrong with a teenage dude watching a show for little girls? Is it not “macho” enough? Am I supposed to watch “acceptable” shows for my age group and gender, like True Blood and The Colbert Report? I think if people actually watched the show, their opinions might change (okay not really, but they can’t judge me anymore if they watch it too right?). The point is; I don’t feel that I should be judged because I watch the show. But that’s not why I’m writing this. No, I’m writing this to put my love for all things hoofed and magical on paper…err…internets.

My Little Pony is a show about six ponies and their adventures through the magical land of Equestria. Each episode they discover something about friendship, like “friends can’t be bought with money” or “real friends like you for who you are” or “friendship is a magic superpower strong enough to kill dragons”. Each episode is filled with enough sugar, spice and everything nice to make the Spice Girls look like Slipknot which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s a show MADE for little girls but I don’t find the cutesy animation and overuse of the term “everypony” that annoying. In fact, I’ve come to like it. I think the reason I like it so much is that it’s self aware and it shows it subtly. For little girls, things like Dr. Whooves and Derpy the Pony might just be some background characters, but for people like me, it’s like a silent nod as if to say “yeah, we know YOU’RE watching too”. They also constantly abuse the 4^th wall, which I absolutely love. Again, probably not something a kid might find too interesting but definitely something I enjoy seeing.

So there you have it; my experiences as a Brony. You’ve heard what I like about the show and I tried to give enough information without sounding like a complete Pony-maniac. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must watch Twilight Sparkle throw Pinkie Pie a birthday Party in Ponyville. 

The most boring, generic bucket list EVER

By: Jon Caytap

1. Climb Mt. Everest
2. Write/produce/direct an epic movie starring all the actors in Hollywood (ALL of them)
3. bungee jump
4. jump out of a plane
5. visit every country on earth
6. wrestle a lion or a tiger bear a or an alligator or a mutant combination of the four or a dragon
7. swim in a pool of money
8. swim in a pool of liquid gold
9. swim in a pool of gold money
10. ride a zamboni
11. drive a zamboni
12. Ride on the back of an exotic animal in its natural habitat
13. Become better than Jack Atkinson at Soccer
14. Become better than Matt Barrett at Hockey
15. Become better than Michael Politis at Guitar
16. Become Better than Ms. Cat at writing
17. Become better than Riehl at…whatever he does
18. Work as a mall santa
19. Complete everything on this list twice
20. Make a new one

What would Jesus Do?

            Before I begin, I would like to ask the readers to please put some thought into the answer to this particular question. I am hoping for the utmost honesty when it comes to your answers and that you won’t just answer impulsively. Thank you.

            You are in the middle of downtown Toronto with your family Christmas shopping. You visit a sunglass hut to browse with your parents when suddenly aliens appear from the sky and start destroying everything outside. Buildings are falling apart, explosions are going off and chaos has erupted outside. You regain your focus as the store you are in begins to collapse and notice your parents at the back door exit. Debris is falling all around you and it seems the exit will not be open for much longer. They are calling to you as the aliens land their ships and head towards the store. You turn to go to join your family when out of the corner of your eye you notice a man trapped by fallen debris. You realize that you recognize the man; it’s Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto! As you realize this you notice your family frantically calling out to you as more debris continues to fall and block the exit and the aliens are upon you; you must act now. What do you do? Do you take a pair of Aviators or Wayfarers?

Choose your own adventure: Option B

           You can’t take it any more. You tell you’re parents you don’t know what’s going on, who they are, why you’ve forgotten and what to do now. Your parents share a brief look and say that they’re not falling for it again. Apparently, you’ve tried this before. You explain that you seriously don’t know anything and that you’ve forgotten everything. Your mother yells at you to eat your breakfast. At first you’re shocked, you can’t believe what’s happening and that they won’t believe you. It is here you realize that the food in your plate spells something, a message: PLAY ALONG. You ask your parents what the message means. As the words escape your lips, the windows and doors to your house explode and several men clad in plastic armor and armed with scary looking guns flood the kitchen. You parents take evasive maneuvers and evade the invaders. Your mother grabs you and your sister and run to the living room while your father holds off the men with a semi-auto minigun he pulls from his pants. Your head is racing as you try to figure out what exactly is going on here. Your mother drops you and your sister off in the living room and approaches the bookcase. Your sister is crying indicating she’s just as lost as you are. Your mother pulls a random book out from the case activating a lever which opens a secret passageway under the house. She tells you to go in and take care of your sister and then breaks a window to escape. She says she’ll try to divert the men away from the house, giving you enough time to escape. You want to ask her more questions, the same questions which have been filling your head, but you never get the chance. You hear your father scream in the kitchen and before you even know what’s going on, your body reacts by grabbing your sister and going down the passageway. That is the last you will see of your parents.

            You come to in a dark cave with your sister beside you, out like a light. You look around trying to figure out where you are. You don’t know what to do now that you’re here and you certainly don’t know how you’re going to get out of this mess. Suddenly, the cave illuminates with light and two more pathways are presented in front of you. At the end of one of them is a light, the other, black as night. What do you do?

            E) Cave number 1, the light at the end of the tunnel may represent an exit and a
                 way out.

            F) Cave number 2, the tunnel seems to lead deeper into the caverns beneath your
                 house. You are determined to find out what’s going on.

Choose your own adventure: Option A

           You decide to play along. Your fear of enacting the wrath of your mother somehow scares you more than the amnesia that has come upon you. You eat your breakfast with the speed and precision of a thousand archers and get up to go to school. Your mother gives you your bag and you jump into your father’s car. Your father drops off your sister first and proceeds to bring you to the front of your school. You look outside: East York Collegiate. Before he drops you off, your father gives you some lunch money. You question why as you brought your wallet but some extra cash never hurt anyone. You proceed to enter your school.

Its halls seem small for a high school. As you’re admiring the architecture of the building, you hear a voice call out to you. You turn around and see a boy about your height with short black hair wearing a dark blue t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He seems to know you and apparently, you know him.  HE asks if you could lend him five dollars and that he’ll pay you back later. Somehow, you doubt that but you give him the money anyways; the bill your father gave you. You both part ways until he calls out to you again. He asks what’s going on and hands you back the bill. You hadn’t noticed it before, but there was writing on the bill. It spells out “RUN” in big black letters. Suddenly, the door behind you blows open and several big men clad in plastic armor and armed with scary looking guns flood the room. They knock your friend out and tell you to get on the ground. You don’t know why they are doing this, why they knocked your friend out and not you and why RUN was spelt out on the money. What do you do?

C) You try to fight your way out. Despite the fact you are clearly outnumbered,
                  you convince yourself you can take them.

D) You co-operate. You hope to find out what exactly is going on and why it’s
                  happening to you.

Choose your own adventure: BEGNINNING

           It’s Monday morning, 8:45. You don’t know why, but you feel like you should be doing something right now. That’s not the only thing you don’t know. “Who am I? Where am I? Why am I here?” are all questions which fill your head. A voice calls out from downstairs, its tone laced with venom, telling you you’re going to be late. The voice sounds familiar, but you can’t pin point where you’ve heard it from. A woman barges into the room, the voice that has been calling you from downstairs seems to belong to her, but it’s much louder when you hear it in person. She tells you that you’ve got fifteen minutes to be at school. More questions begin to fill your head: “Is this where I live? Where is my school? Why is she so crabby?”. You ignore the questions for now and decide to dress up; you play along out of fear of being eaten alive by the woman who just yelled at you. You reach for whatever works for you from the closet and head downstairs.

There you meet two other people: a man, medium build, dark brown hair, dressed in business attire and a young girl, about two years younger than yourself, short, brown hair in pigtails, both are seated at the breakfast table. Here, you conclude two things: a) these people are most likely your family members; the man and the woman your parents, the girl your sister. b) You’re gonna be late for school. More questions fill your head; “Why can’t I remember? Do I tell them I can’t remember a thing? How am I gonna get to school, I don’t know where that is!?”. You sit at the breakfast table with them while your mom places a plate in front of you; bacon and eggs. The formation of the food perplexes you, they seem to be in some formation, but you can’t make it out. The father tells you to eat up so he can drive you and your sister to school, your sister tells you to not make her late. What do you do?

A)    You continue playing along, try to find out what happened without alarming your parents.

B)     You tell them you can’t remember a thing. You don’t know who they are, why you’re like this and how it happened.

Tarrot Card: Two of Wands-The Movie

PLOT

The servant of the ruler of a far away land must travel across said far away land in search of two wands to save her kingdom. Her kingdom is suffering from some black magic disease and only the magic of the wands can save her people.

She travels to several zones within the far away land including the spooky swamp, the creepy caves, the freaky forest, the mysterious mountains, the terrifying tundra, and the dreadful desert. Throughout her travels she encounters and must fight monsters like giant snakes, lizard men, swarms of poisonous insects and, of course, dragons. She must also solve puzzles like getting out of a maze in the mysterious mountains and moving the boulder which blocks her entry into the creepy caves.

However, even after travelling through all those areas, she only manages to find one wand (in the terrible tower which lies deep in the gruesome gorge). She returns home to find that the disease has gotten worse and more people are dying. She brings the wand to her master in hopes that he will be able to do something. As it turns out, her master is an evil magic wizard and the mastermind behind the disease plaguing the kingdom. It also turns out that the second wand was in the wizards possession and he was using its powers to poison the kingdom.

With both wands in hand, the wizard fights his “apprentice” and the two engage in epic combat. Seemingly defeated, the servant must draw on the one thing she had used to get her through her travels throughout the far away land, the power of hope. With the power of hope, she is able to defeat the evil wizard and restore peace to her kingdom. She is crowned the new ruler of her kingdom and ushers in a new age of peace and prosperity.

THE END

Screenplay Concept

Background:

The world is facing a crisis as the SHLA (Superhero Hockey League of America) threatens the stability of the planet earth. The creation of this “league of justice” has struck fear into the hearts of civilians as governments try to control this league of superheroes. In light of the situation, the governments of the world have come together in an attempt to control the SHLA to ensure they would never turn on the people they protect. Tensions between the two organizations rise, however, as the two are unable to come to an agreement. The world governments believe that the SHLA should answer to them while the SHLA believes the two sides should work together. Things get even more heated as members of the SHLA begin to die, arousing suspicions that the world government is killing off members of the SHLA. In reality, another organization: Power to the People (P2P) is behind the murders of the supers. P2P is an extremist organization which was created in response to the SHLA by people who believe supers are monsters and don’t belong on the planet. They have hired another, secret organization the Criminal Union of People Considered Assassins and Knowledgeable in Execution (C.U.P.C.A.K.E) to take care of the supers for them. C.U.P.C.A.K.E used to be a powerful organization of assassins but has since weakened in strength after their leader was taken in by the SHLA.

Plot:

John, former assassin, is being blackmailed after leaving C.U.P.C.A.K.E. His family is being threatened and John must come back into the business he left for a better life. The reason for his re-instatement is that P2P have stolen a superpower toxin; whoever is struck with the poison is drained of their superpowers. C.U.C.A.K.E is being hired by P2P to use the toxin to kill the members of the SHLA. John is being recruited to an elite team of C.U.P.C.A.K.E assassins to carry out the mission (alongside Shanel and Askiga).

Tate, meanwhile, is dealing with the death of his foster parent, John (different person altogether), and is shocked to learn that his death was caused due to carelessness by a super (term used for superheroes/ people with super powers). This arouses an unquenchable lust for revenge against supers, and when he learns of C.U.P.C.A.K.E, decides to join them. It is here he meets John who takes Tate under his wing as an apprentice. Together, the three assassins eliminate members of the SHLA and prove a formidable foe for the superheroes.

As tensions increase between the world government and the SHLA, Ivan Canuck decides to do some investigating. He discovers the murders aren’t the work of the world governments and discovers the existence of P2P. However, Ivan is unable to connect P2P to the murders themselves. He finds himself targeted by John and his band of assassins but is able to deflect their assassination attempt. He confronts John and is able to convince him to stop the murders and instead protect his family from C.U.P.C.A.K.E. Tate, however is not so easily convinced and combines forces with P2P, who have been waiting in the shadows to unleash their master plane.

In reality P2P is lead by a super himself, Xel Rohtul, who wants to eliminate other supers so he can conquer the world. Ivan and John eliminate the rest of C.U.P.C.A.K.E and save John’s family but are then attacked by Tate, who has come to eliminate Ivan the leader of the SHLA. John tries to reason with Tate but to no avail and ends up in a duel to the death with his apprentice, a fight which he wins (or so he thinks…). With the SHLA reduced to a mere 10 members, Xel Rohtul makes his move and with his army of superhero-killing cyborgs takes the world governments hostage and declares himself ruler of the world. Ivan calls together the remaining members of the SHLA for a final confrontation and is nearly defeated when the world military comes to his aid. The world government and the SHLA are able to put aside their differences in order to save the world and push back Xel Rohtul.

Defeated, Xel goes into hiding and takes with him the defeated Tate. Tate suffered life threatening wounds from his duel with John and is rebuilt as a half human-half cyborg being. He swears allegiance to Xel and P2P and the two begin formulating a new plan to try and overthrow the SHLA and the world government. Meanwhile, the world governments are convinced that they should work with the SHLA after the close call they just experienced. While xenophobia against the supers still exist, the majority of the population now believes that the SHLA is a force of good and the SHLA begins to work with the world government to try and rebuild the world together.

Time Skip: Mad Men

            During the 1 ½  years between the clips shown to us in writer’s craft, Don Draper, who was coming home from work, had forgotten his son’s birthday. He frantically looks for a store that’s still open and finds a mysterious gypsy vendor selling arcane artifacts. He picks something at random and drives off without realizing what he picked up was an interdimensional transporter.

While driving home, Don accidentally activates the transporter, sending him to an alternate dimension in which Hitler won WWII and the Nazi’s ruled the earth. In this dimension, Hitler had also gained a time travel machine and used it to travel to the future and get alien technology to conquer the past. He used the technology to create an army of cyborg-ninja zombies to win WWII. Don Draper had arrived just after Hitler’s victory and joins the remaining rebel forces to fight Hitler. Unbeknownst to Hitler, however, the aliens from which he stole the technology had come back in time to take it back and had joined with the resistance and Don to take back what is theirs. Don and the resistance lead an assault on Germany’s capital which is on a floating citadel above Berlin. As the resistance and the aliens begin to face off against Hitler and his Zombie Cyborg Ninja army, they are interrupted by the Time Gods.

Unbeknownst to Don and Hitler and the Alien time travelers, the constant time travel had placed the space-time continuum in flux. The Time Gods, overlords of the universe, had come to this dimension to rectify that problem by eliminating all life in it and destroying it completely. The Time Gods kill of all of Hitler’s Zombie Cyborg Ninjas and Hitler is forced by Don to help them fight off the Time Gods.

Meanwhile, in Don’s dimension, his wife Betty is worried about him and goes out to look for him. She brings her son with her who spots the interdimensional transporter on the street, left behind by his father. He picks it up and asks his mother to keep it to which his mother completely refuses and takes the transporter from him. She too activates it sending her to the alternate dimension where Don and Hitler are planning a final assault against the Time Gods. Don is surprised by Betty’s arrival, but refuses to go back with her because he wants to save the world he is in. Betty and Don get into an argument before Hitler, who by know is extremely irritated, sends them both back to their own dimension. The second clip picks up where they left off; in an argument…

Canadology

I recently saw that molson commercial with the “unwritten code of Canada” and felt inspired to do my own personal version. It goes a little something like this

“There’s an unwritten code here in Canada. If you live by it, chances are:

You celebrate thanksgiving in October, not November

You can make fire without matches or lighters

You’ll shovel your neighbor’s driveway if I feel like it

You’d never lie about how many fingers are behind your back

You’d never make small talk while at the urinals

You’d never talk during the national anthem

You DO know who the queen is but DON’T know why she’s on your money

You think the logo on the front is more important than the name on the back

You don’t know what they’re made of, but you eat timbits anyways

You believe it’s blasphemy to throw anything other than hats on the ice

You consider maple syrup a food group

You’d never speak of work during the holidays

You pronounce it Zed, not Zee

Your first aid kit consists of two things: duct tape and hockey tape

And above all, you end my sentences with “eh!”

This is our Beer, Molson Canadian ™!”

(No copyright infringement intended)

Poetry: you’re doing it wrong

I’m not going to lie

Sometimes I like to fly

Really, really high

In the sky

Oh my

Like that guy

Who looks like a spy

With a pie

Next to a French fry

On his tie

It makes me cry

Because I’m shy

Like reading “Catcher in the Rye”

In a pig sty

The end is nigh

And every time I try

I feel like I die

*Sigh*

Tracks

            “They’re bear!” yelled Jerry.

He and his brother, Steve, were on a nature hike through the mountains. Every month, they both would go on this trek through the wilderness and would normally come upon some strange wildlife, but they have never encountered something quite like this.

“These tracks definitely belong to a mountain lion,” said Steve. “I saw it before on the discovery channel.”

“Oh please,” scoffed Jerry. “You always say that! Mountain Lions don’t live in this part of the world; they had to have come from a bear!” Steve, as though his brother had not just spoken, knelt down.

“What are you doing?” Jerry asked.

“Checking for Honey residue,” Steve said, touching the tracks. “Bears eat honey, so if we find it then we’ll know whether of not these are bear tracks.” Jerry kissed his teeth.

“You just don’t want to admit you’re wrong, I already know those are bear tracks!” Jerry yelled, waving his hands above his head.

“Would you quiet down and let me think!” Steve hissed. “You’re quite distracting.” Jerry had had enough.

“You’re just angry because mother likes me best!” Jerry crossed his arms and smirked at his brother who was now standing and who did not look at all amused by the words he had just uttered.

“Mother obviously appreciates my intelligence and maturity over your…your…bull-headedness!”

“My head doesn’t look like a Bull!”

“Does too!”

“Does not!”

“Does too!”

“Does not!”

“Does too!”

“Does not!”

The two brothers were still arguing when the train hit them.

In the beginning…there was hockey

          Waking up this morning, it took a mere glance at the calendar to get me up out of bed. I rushed downstairs to get my morning coffee and make sure that today was today and that I wasn’t actually dreaming. And to my joy and delight, I wasn’t dreaming. Yes it’s that time of year again, time for speculations and predictions. A time where history is made, questions become answers, and homework is not done. Time, once again, to dust off your jerseys and start up your fantasy pools. It’s a time of ups and downs, highs and lows, hot streaks and slumps, triumph and heartbreak. Yes, it’s time for the 2011-12 hockey season to begin…almost. Now you may be thinking “Jon, the regular season doesn’t start for two weeks, why are you writing about hockey?” Two words my friend: pre season. Ah the pre season, a chance for those who are question marks to prove they belong in this league. A chance for fans to catch a quick glimpse of their team after a long, hard, training-camp-filled summer. A time for “rookies” to become “sophomores”, for “sophomores” to become “veterans”, and for “veterans” to…stay old. What the pre-season offers us loyal hockey fans is a chance to behold the spectacle that is the greatest sport to grace this planets surface after three and a half, hockey deprived, months. If you’re anything like me (and if you are, may god have mercy on your soul) then you would have been looking forward to this day since the Stanley Cup playoffs ended. No doubt you had spent your summer days following signings and trades, keeping up to date on NHL.com and TSN, and patiently awaiting the arrival of a new season. Yes, it’s a joyous time of year, so joyous in fact, I felt I had to share it with all of you. So what are my predictions for this pre season? Who cares?! It’s the pre season!

P.S: This was written on Sept.19^th, just in case anyone was confused

P.S.S: Ms. Cat, the homework thing doesn't apply to me; I’m actually very diligent when it comes to homework J

P.S.S.S: Avs vs. Caps = Stanley Cup finals...nuff said

The legend of Jon "HR" Caytap and the class of writer's craft

You know that really annoying kid who always talks during class? Yeah, that’s me. Nice to meet you, by the way, my name is Jon. I’m seventeen years of age and am in Grade twelve, attending East York Collegiate Institute. I’m not very good at anything in particular and am terrible at a lot of things. My hobbies include eating, sleeping and watching TV. My favorite food is pizza, my favorite show is TSN, my favorite hockey team is the Colorado Avalanche and my favorite hockey player is Alexander Ovechkin. But enough about me, let’s get to the root of why I’m really writing this journal. I took writers craft because I always found writing assignments (i.e. essays, stories, etc…) to be difficult for me. Evidently, there will be a lot of writing in College and University so I took it upon myself to try to improve my writing skills before moving on to post-secondary. I also believe being able to write is an important skill to have, no matter what it is you decide to do in life, be it a scientist, engineer, or even a police officer. However, there is another reason why I took this class. I had heard of Miss Cat from several of my friends and I could not believe the wonderful things that I was hearing. She is without a doubt the most respected English teacher, both amongst her students and her peers, and I am incredibly grateful and thankful for being able to be taught by such an influential figure in all of EYCI. I’m sure that this experience will be forever engraved in my memories and will no doubt change me for the better, as both a student and a person. From the few classes I have already had with her, she displayed her incredible talent to both inspire and educate her students, while being able to maintain her reputation as one of the most down to earth teachers ever. But more than anything, she is a good person. She loves each of her students equally and treats them as if they were her own children. Her love and intelligence knows no bounds and I am sure that I will have the most awesome-mega-chocolate covered-supercalifragilisticexpialidocious-mind blowing experience ever!

PS. Really cool video involving a writer's craft class, check it out! :) ===> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ